Sorry to leave everyone hanging. I'm trying to break this into pieces and it seemed like a good stopping point.
April 10 at 9:00 a.m. we had a conference call with our agency rep. She began the call by telling us the story of the little boy and girl. For now, I'll call the 2 year old girl "M" and the 4 year old boy "E". On January 21 this year M and E were dropped off at an orphanage along with 2 other brothers. There were four of them. Four siblings left without a home.
Their story is a story of complete brokenness. There's death, abandonment, and fear. They have lived through more than I could ever imagine. When I think of Parker and Abigail having to go through what they've been through I have a weight on me that I've never felt before. There's so much sadness. These are the words that I can't figure out how to type. I don't know how to express what this all is.
Congo has a law that no more than 3 children can be adopted into one home. So, our agency split the children into 2 groups of 2 in order to find them homes. This was a big deal to us. We strongly believe in keeping families together. And the thought of separating the kids seemed almost unbearable to us. How can we take them away from 2 siblings and replace them with 2 more? It was tragic. But there is no way around it. These children are going to be split.
The more we talked and listened we knew that these children were special to us. Not just M and E, but their brothers as well. We realized that we are willing to be in the mess. We are willing to join forces with another family in order to provide a home for these kids. We are fighters. We are capable and willing to track down another family, fight for the children to be in each other's lives and live in the chaos that it creates. Not everyone can do that. We know we can.
We had lots of questions and what ifs as we talked to our rep. The more answers we got, the more questions we had. We still have a lot of questions. Some will be answered, and others will forever remain what ifs in our minds. We'll seek to understand and we'll seek to know. At the same time we are seeking to accept the known and the unknown alike.
We said "yes" to M and E. We haven't signed the referral, or contract, yet. That should come in the next week or so. We are choosing not to share their story of how they became orphans right now. I'm not sure when we will or if we will leave that as their story to tell one day. I'm thinking it'll be the latter.
We cannot post their pictures or names until they are legally ours. But I'll post the following with their faces covered for a sneak preview for you to see.
For me, I thought that we would feel this sense of "heaven meets earth" when we saw the pictures of our kids and knew that they were to be ours. But, honestly, I didn't feel much heaven. It's heavy. It's sad, more sadness than I realized I could bear. I'm not a crier and I'm not usually emotional, but the ugly cry shows up daily around here. There's a lot more brokenness, a lot more sadness, and a lot more weight on this road that we are walking. But, yet, we choose to walk towards it. In fact, we choose to run. I long for the day that M and E know that hope is real, that God loves them and made them special, and that a full life is ahead of them. I long for that day.
Just this morning we realized that it was January 21 when Eric and I sat on our couch and decided the time was right to adopt. The same day that 4 precious children were dropped off at an orphanage in Congo.